Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Students in the Hands of an Angry Grader

Jonathan Edwards. The Man. Image found here.

Ah, yes, the end of the semester: that time when young graders start channelling Jonathan Edwards:

The bow of pedogogical wrath is bent, and the arrow made ready on the string, and justice bends the arrow at your heart, and strains the bow, and it is nothing but the mere pleasure of the Grader, and that of an angry Grader, without any promise or obligation at all, that keeps the arrow one moment from being made drunk with red ink. The grader holds you much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked: his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing but to be cast into the fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times more abominable in his eyes, than the most hateful venomous serpent.

6 comments:

Mrs. Meridian said...

Well, this certainly inspires confidence in every student. You should perhaps encourage all students to think of this moment at the beginning of the semester. Very funny.

R. Sherman said...

And to think, when the EMBLOS was grading English 1 papers last week, she just deployed F-Bombs in the middle of the living room.

Cheers.

zunguzungu said...

Within the heart of every grader lurks a puritan fire and brimstone preacher; flunk em all and let God sort em out...

j sligh said...

Had a teacher at boarding school who claimed to grade final papers (which weren't handed back) by feeding them, with great ceremony, one by one into his fireplace.

"This thesis burns like an A!"

zunguzungu said...

I once made the mistake of telling my corner deli guy that I grade papers by tossing them down a set of stairs, and giving them grades based on where they landed. Ha! Ha! I can't tell though whether he believed that I actually do that (or just pretends to) but the more often he brings it up, the more often I fear that former.

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